Heather Allen

I have a lot of feelings about OkCupid. I’ve been on the dating website for three whole weeks and have received over 1000 likes and countless messages–so obviously I am an expert on this subject matter (only half-sarcastic). This is my first foray into online dating. I don’t consider Tinder to be remotely similar because we all know that it’s just a way to hook-up. (The same could be said for OkCupid, but I am an optimist.)

There’s a stigma associated with online dating, to the point where I could probably write another entire blog post about it. The best way to combat your own hesitation when it comes to online dating is to just go with the flow. If it doesn’t work out your life is not over.

Here’s some things I’ve come to use as a standard “best practice” on the website. These are just opinions, I know everyone will not feel the same way, but I hope they are generally useful. This post is mostly targeted toward men looking for women, but I’m sure women looking for men can also find some of these things useful.

Profile:

• Fill it out as much as possible–to whatever you’re comfortable with. I have my Instagram linked to my profile and I’ve had people message me about the pictures I’ve posted. It’s a good conversation starter. If you’re not comfortable talking about anything listed on your profile, don’t put it on there. But, to counter that point, if you unabashedly love something, by all means, it needs to be there! You’ll probably find someone with similar interests that way.
• If you could mention that you have a job that would be stellar. (Doesn’t matter what it is, and if people judge you for it, you don’t want to be talking to them!)
• The questions are important! Answer as many as possible so your compatibility can be better calculated. The less matched, the less likely I’ll be to talk to you. Side note: some of the questions are a bit invasive (kinkiness, sexual habits, religion, etc. so feel free not to answer those! They can be discussed once you actually meet/ start dating, etc.).
• Do not mention that you are looking for a particular person or even that you are only here to date. I know this is a dating website, it’s implied that you are there for dating. It doesn’t need to be explained in your ‘about me’ section.

Names:

Put your name in your profile or let me know what it is if you message. That makes you a real person! Whoaaaaa

Picture:

• SMILE. If you’re not smiling, it comes across as standoffish, mean, or otherwise too serious. There are plenty of dating tips that I don’t need to tell you about, but most people are attracted to eyes and smile. Use that information to your advantage.
• It is seen as unfavorable that you have other women in your profile pictures. This is a dating website, I don’t want to have to compete with these women. How I am I to know it’s your sister/cousin/roommate?
• Just have pictures of you. Crop out your friends. I’m not looking at their dating profiles. It’s all about you, babe.
• Have a variety of pictures. I know most are uploaded from your Facebook profile, so if you have pictures of anything but you, I become disinterested. (Are you a robot? Don’t have a picture of a car!)

Liking:

• It’s great that you ‘like’ my profile, but I can’t see that information! Message me instead.
• Also, I should follow my own advice because if I start liking more profiles, OkCupid does tell me if we’re a match, which is a good way to start a conversation.

Age:

• This is a tricky one. Most people I’ve seen on the site are in their mid-20’s to early 30’s. Please be mindful of my age range on my profile if you’re messaging me and whether you’re outside of that range. It’s there for a reason. You’re not going to be the exception to the rule.
• Some people are open to all ages, it just depends on the person.

Viewing:

I can see every time you view my profile. Just know this. I don’t expect you to memorize it on the first viewing, but it just comes across as bizarre if you are looking at my profile multiple times but don’t message me. Or if you are looking at my profile after I’ve stopped responding to your messages. Move on.

Messaging:

• I don’t owe you anything. I do not owe you my time. I do not owe you a response. Do not message me thinking you are entitled to anything from me. If you have started a good conversation, I will respond. And if you’re nice, we can continue the conversation through text messages and in person.
• And that’s the other thing, guys are going to be the first one’s to message. That’s just how it goes. The first few days I was on the website, I messaged a few guys first, but they didn’t respond. It’s not discouraging, it just means they weren’t interested and I can move on.
• If you comment on my physical appearance in your first message, I will not respond, easy as that. How many filters do I have on my profile photos? You can think I’m pretty all you want, but I actually am here to have a relationship beyond physical appearance. HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME. My ‘message me if’ section is totally legit. Or comment on literally anything else on my profile.
• If we’re having a conversation and you ask me what my turn on/off are, step back and reevaluate your life choices. I’m not going to give that information to you. Turn off: that question!
• We know when it’s a copy and pasted message. Please only message me if you’re actually interested in what I have to say.

Anything beyond messaging:

• If you’re not comfortable giving your number, it is 100% okay to not give it out. If you’re not comfortable doing anything, do not do it. You are not obligated to move beyond OkCupid messaging unless you’re comfortable. My general rule is not to give out my number unless I know the persons name.
• If you’re meeting in real life, tell your friends where you’ll be and who you’re with, and check in with them after the date is over. Safety!
• Guys, I don’t care if you are joking, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not joke about kidnapping on the date. It’s a very real concern for women.
• In case there’s any confusion: you met on OkCupid and you’re hanging out alone together. It’s a date.
• We’ve been on two dates, you don’t get to tell me what to do with my life. Yes, I’m looking for a long term relationship, but I’m also not about to be locked down because we made out once.
• We all have baggage, for dates, try to keep it to a minimum.
• Don’t sleep with anyone unless it’s 100% consensual. My rule of thumb: we met on OkCupid, I know you’re dating other people besides me. I’m not going to sleep with you unless I know you’re not sleeping with anyone else. Cool? Cool.

I know post has taken a more serious turn, but in all honesty, just have fun. If something comes of it, great, but it’s not the end-all-be-all way to meet people.

Questions, concerns? Leave a comment!